My foot is always in my mouth.

I say wayy too much.

I don't give way from breaks or intermissions.

I smother.

I hate it.

I can't help it if i enjoy the idea of pouring honey potions in certain hears that I like to think make them wake up in the morning screaming, Love!

I believe that if I get my mouth under control I can be truly happy.

They say no one can love you until you love yourself.

I have a bit to go yet.

I need a tattoo idea... I know I want it to be music related....

Time to go enjoy bad ideas and horrible one liners.

I used to be smooth.

Now I fumble over words.

In the blink of an eye....

There is this moment...
Not everyone gets to experience it.  If you open your eyes too quickly then it is as if it never even happened.
If you breathe too loudly- it goes away swiftly.
If a noise breaks the silence that exists in the cold darkness - you forget all about it.
It is the thing that happens when your child is born....
When you fall in love...
That first kiss sitting on an ordinary sofa...
When you accomplish a dream or watch as the one closest to you accomplishes theirs.
People spend their whole lives living for this moment.
Where light and dark are one in the same - where the is nothing but loud silence.
The chemicals in your brain stop their ongoing war just long enough for you to feel the most euphoric bliss.

I read that it only takes one and a half minutes to an hour to fall in love.

I have learned that you will love more than once.

I have seen how scary everything can be when you go into it all unprepared.

I have witnessed lives being made and ruined in the matter of minutes.

I believe in never regretting, but this makes me a hypocrite because I regret so many things.

I have my entire life ahead of me - yet I have lived for so long.

You have to find that golden record that contains their voice....
Their blue eyes will make your stomach churn...
Their smile will make your head swim...

I am so tired of anonymous comments...
Let me connect with you.

I am still going strong with the song a day thing... Some are better than others, but they all come from the same place - same muse.

Find your muse and live your life with it.  Love it, hate it, embrace it, push it away...

Honestly, surely, loyally, unequivocally, consequentially....

I have had my breath taken away within the last twenty-four hours.
Have you?

Always make yourself happy, but never leave those that make you happy behind.
People will come in and out of your life...
A select few, however, will never leave and will always be there.
Love them for it - cause they love you.

Don't give away your love too cheaply.

You are worth so much more than you can fathom.

Thus ends another chapter in CamBamLand.

Where one door closes- another opens.  All you have to do is walk through.

Call it off.

I can't help but feel that so many things in my life have become one sided.
I spend all my time thinking, but how often am I thought of?
I spend my time doing, but how often are things done?
I waste so much energy worrying. Why?  Life is wayy too short to worry as much as I do.

My days aren't going to get any shorter any time soon.
I've got to get it in my head that this is the way things are going to be for a while.  I hope so much that this isn't how they plan on staying.

The first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep.

Is that healthy?  Why in the hell should it matter.

Communication is the biggest key in all of this and I feel like I just don't know how to communicate any more or for that matter in the right fashion.

I am far too intelligent to feel this stupid.


I have decided to try and write a song a day.  They won't all be full songs, but they will be something.  I believe I will do it for 30 days and see how it goes from there.  After that I will start working on a concept album.  A story too often told and never really fully realized. 
This is day two, and I feel confident in my ability to see this project through to the end.

How can something make me so extremely happy and yet tear me to pieces?
It is like a song that I hear and love for so long, and then one day it is just not the same.

Vague instances of words where you reading this have no idea what I am talking about and can only assume.

     I've got so many bad thoughts in my head
     My heart before has only been mislead
     I'm not too sure where I'll end up
     All I know is that I want your love

      So don't cry today
      This will never fade away

     I've got too many sad thoughts in my mouth
     I was hoping you could come and kiss them out
     I'm not too sure what I'll do now
     All I know is how to sing it loud

      So don't cry today
      This will never fade away

        The cold will come and the warm won't stay
        But seven years or even three months is too long to stay away

      So don't cry today
      This will never fade away

What does it feel like to be in a car crash?

I mean I have been in a car wreck before, but never a car crash.

They say all good things come to an end.  How true is this?


I'll tell you what - the waiting is the worst.

Hey - forget everything you just read.

Sunsets on / Western Skies.

Was there any one waiting for me at baggage claim?
Did peoples' faces light up when I started walking down the stairs?

Only good thing about this is the inspiration.  I have thought of a thousand different lines and ryhmes in my head.

I hate confrontation - hate even more giving bad news.

I however do love a lot of things.

I however do hate a lot of things.

I however do love a lot of...

2,315 miles.

How many dreams and aspirations are given up every day?

How many dreams and aspirations are born every day?

There is a fire burning somewhere soft and slow,
however bright and close to home.

Heart shaped candies only last for so long.

A wise man once told me; "Never have anything in your life that you can't walk away from in a second..."
There is nothing else but family - everyone else is just strangers.

Not yet family, but soon to be... Maybe, hopefully, undoubtedly, amazingly, consequentially....

Time is the one thing that will not wait, cannot be replaced, and leads to regrets.

Thoughts aren't thoughts but projections of all the little things in life that you can't live without or drive you crazy.

Time doesn't wait and you can't get it back.

There are so many things that we come across every day that we wish we hadn't.

There are so many choices we must make that we wish someone else would do for us.

It is almost time for me to return to California and there are things that tear me up inside.

Four-ish days left.

Three-ish huge choices to make.

Two-ish people that mean the world to me.

One person has to decide everything.

How do you truly know that the choice you just made was in fact for the greater good and effects everyone in  a positive way?
Why can't there be just one thing that sticks out as true and every thing else is false?

I don't eat meat - so my body is cleaner than most...
I read at least a little every day to try and help myself stay sharp mentally.
I try to go out of my way for people in their times of need.
I try to do any good deed that comes along.
I am selfish in so many ways.
I want people to think the way I think.
I love too much and start to care even less.
I need to be in two places at once to truly be happy.
I am a great performer, but a horrible singer.
I write catchy songs, but can never fully finish them on my own.
I love you and you don't even know it.

I feel like I need to have a really long talk with someone that I don't know.  Just find a stranger on a bus or something that asks me how I am doing.  I'll start this long winded conversation and they will listen intently while giving their insight every now and then.

He is one of the smartest people I know.
She is a rose among a multitude of thorns.
He needs me.
She will love me no matter what I do.
He doesn't really know where he stands in life.
She is the tops.

I know this is more horrible rambling - even more so than most of my more depressing posts.

I just needed to post and give you an update - though an update this was not.

I will spend the night at my grandmother's tonight.  Then spend Friday with Kayla.
On Saturday my father has decided to have a get together at his house with a bunch of family and friends.
Sunday will most likely be spent hiking.
Monday I leave for Sunny-Dreary California.

Thus will close another chapter in CamBamLand.

Back to the roots.

Where here I am where it all began, North Carolina.
I am across country back in my home state for a while.  Seeing family I haven't seen in years.

I got a comment on a blog not to long ago on the "Continued misson of modernity" post.
I think it is funny.  It is like forced emo poetry that tries to tell me that I am a horrible spoiled person who shouldn't complain about life.
Ha.

I know I am doing that big bad anonymous person their justice by talking about it - and I am sure they are happy about being talked about.

This is a journal of sorts.  I mean yeah it is in the public domain, but yet I still treat this blog as my journal.
I feel that everyone needs to share their innermost feelings cause some can act like poison.
I just choose to share with anyone and everyone.
I am hoping there will be some sort of connection with someone out there through my forced emo ramblings.

So yes I do have empty complaints - yes I am over dramatic at times - yes I am an idiot when the time calls for it.

I love you for reading - I know you'll be back.

SO yeah...

I have quite a few plans for the next couple years or so.  I will let you in on it when the plans get further underway.

I hope you have an amazing week or so.  I will let you all know how my trip went later.

peace.
-CamBam