"I just want back into your head."

-Tegan and Sara...

I know - Tegan and Sara?  I don't know.. I just found one of their videos on Youtube yesterday and started listening to them.  Now I can't stop lol.

I think it is the overall feeling that I seem to carry me from the moment I sip that first bit of hipster coffee out of my parents expensive single cup coffee machine at six AM to the moment where I finally slip out of consciousness around three AM.  I just feel lost kinda...  I am not really sure what is up..
I think I just need to connect with friends again. 

I need to find a job - actually get something going where I am not bored to death all day and night.

Only so much can be done when you have nothing.

I need to get a job in order to buy a car; yet I need the car to drive around the places and even get to work (depending on where the job is).  I am fine taking a 45 minute walk to get to and from work, but over that is pushing it.  Anyone else just get deja vu?

Good thing about this new existence is the time I have to get songs done or started.
I spent pretty much all day yesterday just recording a song.  I even wrote the beginnings of another last night.
Going through one of those cliche artist moments where life sucks so it breeds excellent material.

I hope you are happy in what you are doing.  I wish you all the best.
Remember - never regret life; just make it what you want it to be.
That can be extremely hard sometimes, and you are bound to fail a few times, but keep it up.

I am living proof that screwing up doesn't kill you... Most of the time...

So with that - I wish you a wonderful day or night.
-CamBam

Slowly progressing while walking backwards.

So here I am... Day four of my newish life.
Back on the job market again.
I hate it.

Sad thing is - I applied to seven different jobs alone yesterday - I most likely won't hear back from them.
If you have been reading the blog since my stupid days a year and a half ago - you know that I hate job searching.

I hate going back and reading this blog. I sounded so dumb.  I said things that I would never say now.  I guess it is that breech of maturity that we all must endure before actually calling ourselves grown men or women. - Which makes me sad because there are a lot of people that just never grow up.

One major thing that I love about being back at my parents is being with my dog Pebbles again.  She never forgot me.:)

Thank you guys for all your feedback.  I didn't know so many people read this.  To check back every week?  Without even knowing me in person?  That is amazing.

I never thought of myself as a great writer, I don't believe that I have anything to say that other people haven't said much better.  Yet you choose to keep tabs on what I have to say... So anonymous - I thank you.


One draw back though - I don't play as much WoW while I am here...  I know that isn't a terrible thing, but I still have friends I like to talk to on there...

OH well..

Well here is hoping that I get a job soon - and here is hoping that we see each other again soon and I have something to say that you deem worth reading.

I might even post a video of one of my songs... Haven't decided yet..

Pieces of love,
CamBam

Different routes to the same place.

As I pack up my life in cardboard boxes I wonder; Is this what I am supposed to be doing?
I haven't had deja vu in a while now.  I was always told that deja vu was there to let you know that you were on the right path in life.

What am I to do now?

I am moving everything back into my parents house - back into their lives.
How long will I be there?  Who knows?

I have so many plans for the future yet I have started out with nothing but a series of stumbles.  I hit the ground running only to break both ankles three steps later.

I took risks and they just didn't pan out.

I am left in this apartment alone for one more night.

No more late nights.
No more parties.
No more drinking my self to sleep until I vomit everything I am back up the next morning.

I am such a fucking empty shell.

Maybe I will find some purpose going back to where I got my start.

And its true...

"... that we named our children after towns - that we've never been to."

Many things come to mind when I listen to music like Modest Mouse.
I love music that means something.  I love it when the person playing the song tears up or their voice cracks because they are putting so much into it.

I live each day yet I don't feel any older.
I have lived for years and years yet I don't feel any wiser.

There are so many things that I want to say to so many people but I can't.

There are so many things that i want to happen that never will.

There are so many things that happen every day that are just flat out miracles.

My last day of work at Ross is on Friday.  It is bittersweet.

I can't believe I am moving back into my parents house.  I am an embarrassment.

This blog kinda serves as a testement to my supposed-maturity and foolishness.

I am / was / maybe-still-am an idiot.

I am also very smart.

You've been there through all the ups and all the downs.

New song I am working on -

"Time well spent is time with you, and I want to go home.
But i've been knocked back to square one - and I've hated myself for so long.
Cause I thought that I could make it - yet I am bound to break it.
But you don't share my suffering - cause I am the one embarrassed."

Yeah joyous I know.

I think Inception is real.

Think about it.

They say that so many authors and playwrights predicted the future by having similar or identical events happen in their respective novels, poems, or plays.
I say that these things happened on a global scale through the sharing of the ideas from the literature unbeknowst to those reading / listening - and that is what caused the events to happen.

Makes more sense when you are not sober.

I don't believe there is any one person out there for me. I think there is a list of boys / girls out there for everyone. (Depending of course what you are in to.)

"Everyone's a building burning- with no one to put the fire out."

End

A continuted mission of modernity...

Ah - how life is spent doing so many things that are so mundane.  I spend half my day at the computer, some mornings at work, and the rest of the time thinking about what I could be doing on the computer.

I have started school back up so that is going well.  I am actually starting to get to the programming side of things.

I play a lot of World of Warcraft.  I think I play more WoW now than I ever have.  Not because I really like the game more - cause I have always loved WoW, and not because there is something important I am doing...
It is kinda sad to say, but it is cause the only real friends that I talk to are on WoW these days.

Everyone else is so busy or far away.

I mean I still have friends outside of WoW.
I have the band - Jon, Niel, and Eddie.
I have my roommates - Katie, Andrea, and Peter.
I have random people I don't see anymore but talk to on Facebook - Nick, Tyler, and Kayla.

On WoW though - I talk to these people everyday cause we all have this common thing that we love to do.
We each do it for different reasons, but we are all brought together at so many random moments.
There is Gadget - a.k.a Ryan / Mekro / Rak / Zed.
Andra - a.k.a. Lori / Lilyah / Zhain / Cin
Abisar - a.k.a Erin
Shelke - a.k.a Grim / Rave / Gilberto.

I guess I am just a sad excuse for a social person.

The funny thing is that I am very social - I love to go out - I love to play guitar and write music - I love the rain - I love the sounds of cars - I love animals - I love being vegetarian.

That was a random list of nothing yet everything - well almost to a certain extent.

What am I trying to say?

Was there ever really a beginning to this?  Or am I just trying to find that center that I once knew where everything made sense?

I think I am going to start blogging again.  Not like I haven't said that before, but I don't give a good god damn about what you think.

I love you, but I could care less.

I have been listening to a lot of Florence and the Machine lately.
Along with more Blink 182 - weird mix I know...

I need to play more music - hell I need to really work on getting my stuff recorded.  Finding out how to work the desktop recording outfit I got over the holidays.

Oh internet journal type blog that I have forsaken and come back to time and time again.

Thank you for your time and I bless you for your patience.

Here is to you-
Abi, Andra, Shelke, and Gadget.

And to you-
Girl I met on the bus the other day.

And to you-
roommates who I am about to say goodbye to for a while now.

And to you-
Jon, Niel, and Eddie - for being my best friends yet never really being around.  Which to say isn't anyone's fault.  Life has taken us apart yet kept us close enough to breath upon the ears with talk of music and future endeavors.

A song that I am writing -
Oh no, oh no - Hes got his gun to your head.
Oh no, Oh yes - he thinks you're better off dead.
Oh yes, oh yes - I'm sure that I could agree.
Oh yes, oh no - too bad this guy kills in threes.

Good night.
Even though no one is reading this.