Wasted much?

So as it seems to the mass populace that lives in my mind; so much time has been wasted on such idiotic things.  I believe that I am so very far from perfect that I will never be able to grace that stage.
I think to myself : "Why live such a joke when you can be perfectly content with being that passerby that noone notices yet connects with on so many levels."

I finally have roommates.  April and Kayla.. Only Kayla is here right now, but she is a really cool person.  I know that we will get along just fine.  April of course is the sweetest girl I have ever met; so there will be no complications there...

Next Friday is date night.. Gonna find us all a date.. Going to the strip in downtown Fullerton...

Today is the eleventh of January.  What have I to show for my "new year"?  What good has come from me getting so much closer to being another year older. 2009 was one of the worst years of my life.  I feel as if nothing was gained in that entire year.

All I have to show for it is a new false sense of independence that seems to fade and leave me when I need it the most or the tiniest hint of danger peers out from the dark corner that it usually calls home.

Yes I have a show coming up on the 24th.  Yes I will finally be able to play my music for people outside of my comfort zone of friends.  Yet I can't help but think about all those around me that deserve that far more than I ever have. 

I haven't even written anything new today...

I want to start playing more, but I find myself unable to get any better... I have been at the same level for so very long...

I can't stop thinking.. I am always thinking... Why?

I have hurt so many.. I have helped so many.. I have been the wrong end of so many jokes.. I have judged so many people for no reason other than to get a giggle out of one person near me... I have killed someone emotionally.. I have brought tears of joy to the eyes of those that matter the most.. I have crushed so many living things beneath the heel of my beat up black Adidas...  I have written so many sad songs... I have sang such joyful tunes... I have eaten way to much for the past week...  I am starting to become happy with who I am becoming both physically and emotionally.. I hate myself... I wish I had better equipment... I love Luna and Pearl equally...  I have no idea why I am writing this.. I still love her... I hate the way she pretends to love me... I hate that SHE actually does love me... I wish she hated me... I hate her.... She is one of the most selfless people I know... She is the most selfish person I have ever met... She will never understand what love is... She will most likely die before the age of 40... I wanted to save her... She tried so hard to save me... I always loved when she changed her hair color... I hate the color red... Blue was always my favorite... It is hard to tell which her is which in each situation... Mother Nature is a green eyed slut...

I have no idea what I just typed.... It kind of all just came spilling out... Reading it back to myself I realize how confused I am on so many plains of existence.  Yet it is all so beautiful that I can not seem to find the strength to hit the backspace key.

So this is me in the very beginning hours of January eleventh Two Thousand and Ten.
Lost and found yet somehow lost again.

How much of what I just said is true, and how much of it was a bold faced lie to all of the internet... Who is gonna take what seriously and who will read this and move on with their lives?

Did anyone even read what is above this?

Pieces of love,
Cameron