I hate....

Anonymous comments....

The least you could do is let me know who you are....

Ya know....

....I have forgotten what a "First Kiss" feels like?

If I knew then what I know now....

I wish I could go back just two years... Maybe three....

Oh how I would do things differently....

I am not who I thought I would be in two years time...

I need to focus more on what I want... Less on what I think I want.

I have an idea...  Yep... Me an idea....

I am done with so many things and am going to start doing so many other different things...

SO ambiguous and self-righteous.

Max Bemis and the Painful Splits have opened the door... I am walking through it.. If it closes again I am gonna kick the bitch down.

I used to have a heart.

 -Say Anything (Max Bemis)


I used to have a heart worth a billion bucks
Now it's shitty, shoddy cheap
Sell it in my sleep for the fakes to eat
While they kiss my ass and tell me what I need:
Sex fiends with a vacant dream, a tattoo of a soul
And the words you said, still ringing in my head
Wonder where the love they stole is hiding

All I want to do is be mended by you
I don't want to be confused, I just want to find you
All I want to kill is that which keeps me ill
Underwhelmed and unfulfilled

They're in denial of the knowledge
That they're living in a lame excuse
They're in denial of what you are to me:
My heart, my love, my guide
It's not alright with me, the love I lack, I need, I want you back
The circle torn apart, I used to have a heart

I used to know a girl with the deepest trust
That a man could ever know
I broke her neck with the lack of respect
I learned as an embryo on the west coast
Where the dead paint hollywood red
The facade is well-fed with the blood of the capulets
Spread like jelly on bread across the doors of the first-borns
Weaned from birth on meds

All I want to say is this could be ok
I don't want to be a slave, I just want to spend my days
Wondering through the haze, your voice to lead the way

I can finally go and say:
There you are in front of me, luminescent as you used to be
Just sing the saddest song for me, revive me

Well then...

I guess I better update my "goddamn blog".
So here is your update.

I have really just been trying to keep myself from going insane. 

The only big thing that has happened as of yet is that I now am employed!  Yay me!

I will be working at a convenience store type of place.

Back to the ol' $8.00 an hour.
I just went through training this week and actually start on Sunday bright and early.

Other than that I have just spend my time watching Doctor Who.
I really didn't like it for the first two episodes, but after that I became really emotionally invested in the characters.
Seasons 1 - 4 were absolutely brilliant... I am not so fond of season five and it's Doctor...  There is no emotional investment there at all.

Watching Torchwood now - which is a thing derived from Doctor Who.  Really cool tie in....

I am trying to figure out what I am doing with my life.  Step one was getting a job... Okay that is done.. I have a job.

Now what?

Where am I going?  When am I going there?

The latest discussions have now been having me in the role of a student going to school to get a teaching degree...

SO yes - as of right now CamBam is going to be a teacher in a few years.  How exciting is that?  We know how I am though - I am never happy with where I am or what I am doing.

BTW - I had to drop out of DeVry because I have no money to pay for what my financial aid doesn't cover...

This is going to sound racist but it really isn't....

I have so many friends (mainly mexican and black) that got the same grades I did, took the same classes pretty much that I did, and went to the same level of university that I was going to who got 5K more a year that I do with financial aid. WTF is up with that?

Damn you white people!  If you would have picked your own damn fruit and cotton I could be going to school still!!


So I will sit and sip my Trader Joe's Irish Breakfast Tea (AMAZING), play my crappy little songs on my beautiful blue guitar named Luna, play Mortal Kombat, go to work, and watch Torchwood until I figure out the next step in life.

I have tried to take things wayy to fast, and that has in reality put me behind the pack.
In the next few weeks I should have a solid plan built for myself.... I just have a bit of research to do.

Believe me - you will be the first one I tell when something happens.

This is CamBam - signing off for now.