What a long strange trip its been....

Oh my... There are so many things that I want to say yet so many things that I don't want to.
There is always the one side that is fine with the way things turned out and one side that is dying on the inside. I am afraid I am the latter but there is not a damn thing I can do about it.

I guess I just gotta put one foot in front of the other one and hope for the best.
I wear this smile cause I am tired of how I feel.

Am I okay?
No - fuck you...
I know you are just wondering how I am and are concerned by the look on my face.
Just leave me the fuck alone.  Life sucks and then you die.
Might as well make the most of it.

I hate....

Anonymous comments....

The least you could do is let me know who you are....

Ya know....

....I have forgotten what a "First Kiss" feels like?

If I knew then what I know now....

I wish I could go back just two years... Maybe three....

Oh how I would do things differently....

I am not who I thought I would be in two years time...

I need to focus more on what I want... Less on what I think I want.

I have an idea...  Yep... Me an idea....

I am done with so many things and am going to start doing so many other different things...

SO ambiguous and self-righteous.

Max Bemis and the Painful Splits have opened the door... I am walking through it.. If it closes again I am gonna kick the bitch down.

I used to have a heart.

 -Say Anything (Max Bemis)


I used to have a heart worth a billion bucks
Now it's shitty, shoddy cheap
Sell it in my sleep for the fakes to eat
While they kiss my ass and tell me what I need:
Sex fiends with a vacant dream, a tattoo of a soul
And the words you said, still ringing in my head
Wonder where the love they stole is hiding

All I want to do is be mended by you
I don't want to be confused, I just want to find you
All I want to kill is that which keeps me ill
Underwhelmed and unfulfilled

They're in denial of the knowledge
That they're living in a lame excuse
They're in denial of what you are to me:
My heart, my love, my guide
It's not alright with me, the love I lack, I need, I want you back
The circle torn apart, I used to have a heart

I used to know a girl with the deepest trust
That a man could ever know
I broke her neck with the lack of respect
I learned as an embryo on the west coast
Where the dead paint hollywood red
The facade is well-fed with the blood of the capulets
Spread like jelly on bread across the doors of the first-borns
Weaned from birth on meds

All I want to say is this could be ok
I don't want to be a slave, I just want to spend my days
Wondering through the haze, your voice to lead the way

I can finally go and say:
There you are in front of me, luminescent as you used to be
Just sing the saddest song for me, revive me